Friday, January 09, 2009

Age old question...

I am sure many of you have asked this question yourself, some have answered it, some haven't needed to answer it as the answer has supplied itself.

How many kids are you going to have?

Everyone seems to want to know the answer or how to find out the answer. Right now with friends having babies, friends being pregnant, friends wanting to be pregnant, it has seemed to put the question in my mind for our little family. Most days I would say I would like to have three kids, some days I think two is enough when I feel like I am failing to teach them the way I want to. I hear a lot of, "you have the perfect family" (one boy, one girl), and this world was made for a family of four (look at most vehicles, hotel rooms, even restaurant tables are set with four chairs) and it could seem to just be easier to conform. Sometimes I wonder if I am being selfish for wanting another child because I want one, and yet don't know if I would be adequate to handle another one at times. Or is it just wanting to have another sibling for my kids (I grew up with two other siblings - I can't imagine if I had only had one), is that a right reason to have another one. And then there is the question of what my husband thinks.. as a typical man, he doesn't have much of an opinion - whatever you want honey, it's your choice dear.. that's all I hear. I figure this is a major decision and he HAS to have an opinion - but somehow, he doesn't seem to see it that way. Should I just go off BC and see what happens? well that may not be a good idea with our track record, both kids were conceived as soon as we decided to try for a child... so that's pretty much a one sided decision (going off BC). What makes the decision the best decision - best for me, best for my husband, best for my kids, best for the unborn child?
I would like to hear what influenced you to have another child, whether it was to stop, or to have another :)


Andrea said...

Hmmm...interesting! And what is it with guys and saying "sure, whatever you'd like"?! I mean, we probably wouldn't like it the other way around know if they told us that we HAD to have 12 kids or something. haha. Anyways, we are in the same boat as you right now...with the apparently "perfect" family of four. But unless God has other plans, we are not stopping at 2 kids. We have various reasons for we both really WANT to have more than 2 kids; I grew up in a family of 2 and always dreamed and wished that I'd had more brothers or sisters to play with; I want my kids to have more than one sibling; and honestly, I just feel that it is my calling (or whatever you want to call it :) ) to be a mom, and I can't imagine only being a mom to 2...I love being a mom, I love being with my kids, teaching my kids, learning with them, etc...and for the reasons above, (and probably some more that I'm not thinking of right now too) I just really know that (God willing!) we're going to have more than 2 kids. So I don't know if that helped at all...but that's my 2 cents. :)

Allie said...

How I wish that my husband would tell me it was up to me! If it were 100% my choice, I would without a doubt have another if not two. However, my husband does not want more. He feels that two is a blessing, especially with one of each and the journey we had to take to get those precious ones. He thinks that we have the best of both worlds right now and has bought into the whole "Four is a Family" concept.

I go through days where I feel that I am failing with raising two kids and am content with the way things are. But then there is always that yearning of wanting more. To surround myself with a large family to love and share in the laughter and hardships. I only have one sister and my father passed away when I was young, so there was only the three of us (my mom, sis and I) growing up. At times it felt lonely and I envied larger families and all the dynamics that comes along with it.

But, I have to respect my husband's feelings for there is nothing worse than bringing a child into the world with possible resentment. And truth be told, I don't know if we could afford another child given our current financial circumstances. We want the best for our children and want to provide them with a quality of life that neither one of us had.

It is a tough decision for some, and for others, it is an easy one. I hope that one day, you will find the answer to your ponderings. But I can tell you, that you and hubby definitely create beautiful children!!

Susanna said...

That is a tough question. For me, I kind of feel like our family is just not complete yet. I don't really like the idea of making a final decision to not have any more children, because what if GOd does want us to have more? I just don't want to put any restrictions on what God can do and wants to do in our family. Maybe He knows that in a few years we will need that special blessing of another child, or that in some way that child will do great things for God that could never happen if we just said "No, we don't want any more kids because it isn't convenient for us." I think i just want to be open to what God wants, so if it happens, it happens! Of course, that can only go so far...I don't think I want 12 kids or anything!

Ellen said...

Thanks for your input ladies, I really appreciate your honesty. I know its a tought and personal decision for everyone! Allie you also talked about the yearning to have more, and I know some days I wonder how much to put into those feelings, is it just hormones, or is that a feeling inspired by God? I definatly have been praying about this since eventually once the decision is made it will be made permanent :) only when I'm sure tho..