Sunday, April 05, 2009

Trust and Dreams

Lately I have really been challenged in many areas of my personal life. I have been exploring new ideas and dreams. I found that I had lost some of that part of myself with the fact of having kids. God has really been trying to teach me a lot about trusting in Him. It seems that there have been many seperate incidences that altogether have been working towards that goal.. Trusting my family to Him, trusting my future to Him, trusting our finances to Him, giving Him my whole life value and trust that He has the best plans! It's a tough thing to learn, but somehow I think God is preparing me because He knows that tough times are ahead and I need to hang onto the things that are really important! Onto the dreaming.. I've always had high and lofty dreams, but like I said, it's seemed that since I've had kids, those dreams and even just thinking about them, have been put on hold. As many of you mothers know, with small kids, a lot of your time is taken up in the daily routine of physical needs. More recently I have realized that I need to take care of myself mentally and emotionally so I can give my kids the mom that they need to teach and take care of them! So, a few things I've done in the past while... I signed up for a library card here where I live.. and it's funny, something so small seemed to open up a whole new world for me.. You see, I used to read a lot but now I don't remember the last time I actually finished a book.. but I signed out two books and have started reading again.. a little at a time. It may sound funny, but lately I've been thinking about the future, thinking that I would like to go back to school. Funny, never thought I would dream of going back to school :) I've been thinking that once my kids are a little older, I would like to try and get a degree. I know that four years is a long time, and in reality, things will probably take longer for me (having a family). I've also been thinking that it may be an idea to try and take a few courses here and there as I can. I know it will be a challenge, but I would like to try. It's not like things are carved in stone about this, and I want to be open to God's leading, but I still, I think it's important to have a goal and dreams to work towards. I am a mother, I will always be a mother, but I want more than that. Not to say that being a mother is not satisfying, but there are other desires within me and God knows this because He made me that way and I trust that He will lead me to where He wants and I know that He wants the best for me. All in all, I just wanted to share some of the things that have been going on underneath the surface :)


emily said...

Good for you Ellen! There are so many options out there now for those of us who can't study full time (like online courses that you could do from home). Although balancing life with study is a lot of work, it has its benefits. Carlos is taking one or two classes per semester, and has been able to really digest the material, unlike some of the full time students who are cramming to complete the work load.

Susanna said...

I've been having a lot of those same feelings too - almost like a part of my own identity is gone now that I have kids. Or maybe just that my identity has changed. And yet, there is something about setting a goal and accomplishing it, whether it be taking a class or earning a degree. And it's something for YOU, that YOU want to do. Not that I want to be selfish, but things just change when you have kids. I hear you!

Allie said...

I struggle with similar thoughts as yourself, especially of late. I give you tremendous kudos for figuring out what some of those desires are, and wanting to act upon them.