Saturday, July 05, 2008

Warning* Rant***

There are times when I hear of other "perfect" two/two and a half year olds, that listen right away, always stay at their mother's side, sits perfectly still, never have temper tantrums, etc etc... sorry any of you mothers, it makes me sick hearing about your perfect two year olds! I mean really, good for you that your kids are perfect, but you know what, just because mine isn't doesn't mean I'm a bad parent, it doesn't mean that my kid is a BAD kid! My kid is not bad because he doesn't conform to the rules of the adult world.. you know most two year olds have a short attention span and a large desire to explore and boundless energy - maybe your the minority and we should all look at you funny because you kid doesn't act like most two year olds I know. Am I wrong? How are two year olds supposed to act? am I the only one whose kid would rather run around church than sit still in the pew? am I the only one whose kid has selective hearing already, and some days I think he's deaf due to his inability to respond when I talk to him? or maybe it's me, maybe you should teach me something about parenting, maybe I'm doing it all wrong, and you have all the secrets, please share. You look at me with a 'can't you control your kid' look of pity on your face. My kid is not bad, he is exploring this world and trying to find where his boundaries are, yes, and it's tough on my patience, yes, and I don't always react the best, yes, but this does not make him bad! I would like to see what you would do if you had a regular two year old like the rest of us!! Maybe then you wouldn't look at me and talk to me like that! Another thing, you don't see is all the good stuff, all the hugs, kisses, games, fun, excitement and wonder in my kids face as he discovered something new - you don't see all the cute, silly, loving, wonderful moments that make me so glad that I am PRIVILEGED to be his mother! So maybe next time you see me out with my kids, don't wonder what they will get into next, wonder how you would deal with the same situation if it was you because you never know, if you keep having kids, you may find yourself in my shoes and then lets see who has to eat their words!

Sorry for the long rant - it is not directed at any one person... just some feelings that have been pent up for a while. maybe I'm crazy, but I'm positive that I'm not the only one to feel this way.. or maybe I am :)


Andrea said... it felt good to get that off your chest! :) And yes...I am one of those people who supposedly has the "perfect" 2 year old...he is patient, he is quiet, he does listen, he stays by my side, he shares...but believe me, even though is very obedient, he has his moments too! It's just that people don't usually see his "moments" because they happen at home most of the time. And I do think that Tate is in the minority because I don't see hardly any other 2 year olds who are like him. So, all I know is that I am extremely blessed to have such an obedient, patient 2 year old...and no I'm not offended by your post, and this is why: because I hope that I even though I happen to have a very well-behaved and easy to deal with 2 year old, I sure hope that I don't make other moms with "normal" 2 year olds feel like they are worse mothers, etc. because their kids don't behave as well as mine. I've learned that it is not my job to look at another parents child and give them the "what are you doing wrong?!?!" look, etc....because we have got enough of those looks and enough of the "what is WRONG with you?!" advice from people in the church. And here's what I know - they don't know what they are talking about. The comments, the looks...they can get to you sometimes, but really - these people just DON'T KNOW. Like you said, they don't see the sweetness, or maybe they do, but they only focus on what they think is bad...and the main thing I've found with people in church, etc. is that they've just forgotten what it was like to have a 2 year old...or a baby, or more than one small child trying to get your attention...

Anyways, I hope things get better for you...and that you don't get anymore "looks."

Susanna said...

I absolutely know how you feel and have felt that way a lot myself! I know it's so easy to rave about the wonderful things our kids do, especially on our blogs - everyone does it, and we want everyone else to think that we have the perfect life and perfect children too, right? I agree, 2 year olds are testing the waters and like to see what they can get away with! I think that's's challenging as a parent and it's not always easy. I get frustrated when I see people who apparently have the perfect children - it makes me think they are either being dishonest about how things really are, OR they are just really really good parents which makes me feel like I am just a bad parent because my kids are not perfect like that. Ellen, I think our boys are quite alike! Just typical 2 year old boys. And we're not bad parents. I know we're doing our best, right? And I completely agree, other people don't see all the hugs and kisses and adorable things they do - that's why we love them so much!! Thanks for your post, I really appreciate your honesty in it. Please take comfort in knowing that you are not alone!

Stacey said...

Yeah, if only you could see Rowan :) I blame it on the red hair, but BOY does that little guy have spunk! Most days I get so frustrated, and I'm so disappointed in myself for how I react. Lately I've been at my breaking point a lot, and I don't know what to do with myself... but that's a whole other topic. I just keep praying that I will do something right and Rowan will come out in the end as a wonderful person.

Ellen said...

Thanks for the encouragement - that I'm not the only one!
Andrea - it's good to hear that even though you've been blessed with a "perfect" boy, that you don't judge others and that you can still relate.
Susanna - I think you're right, we want people to think that we've got it all together and our sons just prove us wrong :)
Stacey - I loved your statement about hoping that you'll do something right and that he'll turn out all right :) that's how I feel a lot of days too - it's tough for me sometimes especially being the primary disciplinarian, and feeling like nothing is helping!
thanks again for your comments

Butterfly Mama said...

Those of us that had "perfect" two year olds had NO IDEA what was coming for the three and now going on four year old we currently have!!! Whew - I think they all have their stages where they are better behaved for awhile and then just have to exert their independence! Ah, it's so much fun this Mommy business!!

Allie said...

Oh Ellen, sorry but as I read your rant, I was giggling. Giggling and nodding my head. Now to qualify that statement, I am guilty of gushing about how easy my son has been. At 3 1/2 he has been a blessing in this experience called Motherhood. HOWEVER, payback is a bitch or so they say because life with my 17 month daughter is going to be long, busy and at times tiresome. She is making up for all of the times that my son never acted out and she hasn't even hit two yet. People just stare at us when we are out and she attempts to exercise her independence. She will scream, hit, cry and pretty much else at the top of her lungs. I wasn't joking when I post about her being a diva.

But as you know, there are times that these stages are trying but for the most part, they are also kind of funny too. Funny because they are YOUR LITTLE STINKERS and no one else's. You would never trade them for the world and you know what? I think that the fact that you care so much about this issue just goes to show how good of a Mom you are. It is natural for us Moms to want to be perfect and in a way we are: we are perfect in our own ways and for our own children.

So I say, go ahead and rant, go ahead and post about the antics, because there is always going to be someone out there that will be able to relate to you.

Amy said...

I had it easy at 2 with my middle son - but 3, they were pretty trying. And the baby just turned 1 and I'm at witts end with him some days.

I know how difficult it can be but just know that it will get better and that they go through many stages in life - this one unfortunately is one of the longer ones :-)